Sunday, April 08, 2007
4/08/2007 10:01:00 PM Y
Post title :
♥ You'll never know the real me.
=2h3n=
It's the season of celebrating God's love. Christ who died and rose again.
There is an endless song that goes...
*How can I keep from singing your praiseHow can I ever say enough How amazing is your loveHow can I keep from praising your nameI am so loved by the KingAnd it makes my heart want to sing*It's hard to celebrate god's love with so much hurt and pain. And i think if we keep on being stubborn, we will probably end up not talking at all. So i decided to just place every pain and hurt at the foot of the cross and asked that god may come and knock down that invisible wall between us.
It's really nothing actually. It wasnt because i wasnt understanding enough. Everything just triggered since my tough week. It seems that nobody understands where i am coming from. Someone who doesnt hv much love at home tries to find love from all over. I pin my hopes on friends. I just suddenly dont feel important anymore. No smses. No updating. No invitation to family dinner. No talks. No hugs. No reservation of seats. No more gg to church together. No more even going to the same service sometimes. And i suddenly feel that I dont want to initiate anymore. I dont want to give anymore. All selfish thoughts arise. I feel like a little kid whining for attention, yet at the end of the day, gain nothing. Actually, I guess, i am just not very adaptable to change. But life is really about changes isnt it?
So i gave up. Because it gets tiring and I dont really want to give up this friendship. Maybe things just wont be the same anymore but wells. Life still goes on.
Wrong thinking #1. God says love is unconditioned. But i conditioned mine. I get upset when friends only come to me when they need me. When i need people, no smses, no phone calls, no talks. I am getting over this irrational thought. Give but do not expect anything in return.
Wrong thinking #2. And i do have people who cares. People who listens patiently and just being there.Thanks weilin. Thanks Jas. I may still get super emo at times but I know who I can turn to.
Whatever it is. I am moving on. What's history is history. I just want to hug Mr. God and be sure that everything will be alright.
from: mini cooper's official website