Tuesday, May 16, 2006
5/16/2006 03:36:00 AM Y
Post title :
♥ You'll never know the real me.
=2h3n=
Bestie said if i have so much time, i shld speak to god. I think she is right. I havent been speaking much to him. So i laid down on bed and started telling him the things that hv been happening. Until the tears rolled down and i got out of bed and sat in front of the computer.
I had so much to say that i decided i shld quiet down and listen to what god has to say. I couldn't hear anything. Silence. My mind started pondering. I am so lost and disconnected. Suddenly, i realised that i owned nothing except god. But even god, is not all mine alone. There is nothing i can call my own.
I told god i hate the way i m feeling as much as i hate the pretend life i have been living. Is this me typing all these? Everyone probably thinks it is such trival matter. Grow up and stop all these whining. Ya. I feel so insecured. Y? Becos i live in a materialistic world. This is reality. Even christians are realistic because we live in a materialistic planet earth. So what if god says he loves me despite me being ugly and plain? What others think bothers me. You are one big hypocrite if u said looks and brains do not matter.
I would feel of worth if i can contribute to the world. I will feel less insecured. I will feel there is a purpose for living. There are so many obligations attached. As long as i m living, i feel suffocated.
Worst, i cannot even help people. I am no gd with words. I am slow in thinking. I am half deaf. I am still figuring what i can do best. I am still wondering how i get into a uni.
Lord, i hv issues with u. Shan said i can be a support to bestie. I am sorry i cant. I tried but i really cant. There are ppl ard who care for u and can b supports to u. I am glad god places em in your life. Treasure em as they cross ur way. Don''t let your own mind take control and blinds the things u c.
from: mini cooper's official website