Friday, October 28, 2005
10/28/2005 11:13:00 PM Y
Post title :
♥ You'll never know the real me.
=2h3n=
Time flies. It's 28th October 2005. Been busy rushing assignments. Been neglecting my tutorials n readings. Well, well. It's time to catch up. 3 wks to exams. =S NUS reflected the society pace out in the working world. Fast.
So far, i m happi wif all my tutorial classes. Not as in wif d tutors. Erm.. D tutors r okie except my econs tutor. For JS, i hv sharon in d same class n i like our grp mates. For SEA, i made nice nice ppl, of whom 2 i can click well wif n one of em is fr SP. We hv got so much common things to tok about. N she reminded me so much of my poly buddies. =) For EC, i made cool frds whom i sat wif all d time in tut. For SC, well, my proj mates r nt too bad. They r all fr other schs like engine n real estate. =)
My first paper will be on 19 Nov. Before tt, another final proj to go. Jiayou.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
10/23/2005 10:35:00 PM Y
Post title :
♥ You'll never know the real me.
=2h3n=
To my younger brother,
As much as i hate to see u in ur present state, i still care for u. Despite all the bad times, god reminded of our good old days. I recalled the days when we were younger, how we used to look tru old photo albums and discussed hw cute u r. U r d baby of our family and the one wif the prettiest face. I remembered hw u chose to stick wif me when gor found u so irritating. I remembered we were in M'sia once at auntie's then me and ah-mei decided to play at d playgrd n u joined us bcos gor n ah boy din wanna play wif u. Without the bigger boys wif us, there was dis grp of boys who tried to bully us. The 3 of us ran back to auntie's but u were lagging bhind and soon stopped by the guys. I ran back n pulled u out of d crowd. Do u realise hw much a baby u r to me even till now? I recalled the days i would brg u along when i went out wif my frds in secondary sch. There were times when we were shopping n i did not bear to spend money for some pretty things, u wld buy em for me. When u promoted to sec1, we even arranged to meet in jurong east for a good lunch of kfc that i promised u. Those were the days when u were shorter den me. Those were d days when u were not so bad.
I can't rem when thngs started to change so much. I spent less time wif u as i got older. Eventually when i went to poly, i had to work n i had no time for u at all. There were times when u asked me to play play station wif u n i had to tell u i had no time bcos i need to study for my exams. Muz be my fault. Nobody at home seems to hv time for the baby of the family who has all attention since young. Perhaps tt's y u began to find comfort elsewhere. But y din u even voice out or at least tell me? I dun blame u. Our family doesnt hv communication anyway.
How much i loathe to see u scolding vulgarities n behaving like an ah-beng. My frds who saw u wif ur frds would come up to me in dismay, telling me to be a better sister. It hurts more than i hate. Despite all, i trust u so much. Even when mummy says i m so stupid to believe u but i did. I believed u when u told me u found a job n u were working. I was even worried if my little bro can handle such long working hrs. But y did u betray my trust? Y did u return hm d nxt morning wif purple hair n shock d hell out of us? Y did u even lie tt u were working? That was yet one of your many lies n ur silly sis believed u.
U r realli hurting d family. I noe our family aint perfect. We hv many problems. U hate mummy's nagging. U muz understand that mummy is not educated n those gentle kind of speaker. But she cares for u. U can see hw hard she works to support d family rite? Sometimes i juz dun understand y u hv to do dis. If u study our family carefully, i shld b d one gg astray. I m nt losing hope in u. I m waiting for d day u repent n i will always welcome u as my younger bro. I place all my hopes in god who is gg to change u.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
10/20/2005 10:48:00 PM Y
Post title :
♥ You'll never know the real me.
=2h3n=
I guess whenever my workload gets heavier, i got crankier. Zhen arh, realli hv to watch out for your attitude wor. As a result of becoming crankier, d worst worst thing is to feel moody. Aiyo... Y like that??? Haiz... Actualli sch ain't that bad if i decided right from day 1 of the semester to work hard. At least, i din fail any tests so far n i did pretty okie. Well, some good, some not so good. But who to blame? IF only i DECIDED to work hard long time back. Anyway, there's no point crying over spilled milk so i m nt gonna complain more about sch work here. Even though i did not take GP, my tutors' comments for my essays are pretty good so far. Thank god. =) I m realli happi about my sociology mid term test (Not trying to boast), i hv got 26/30!!! Yeah! I din do v well for other papers though. Is okie. M trying to work hard now. Pull up my socks. Argh. 3 more essays to go. I juz wish i wun get many Cs this semester. Hopefully, none? Pray hard.
My head is balloon-ing. Heex. If there's ever such word. My head is getting bigger with lotsa stuff. Other than sch work, there's family problems that's driving me crazy. Pardon me. I m juz here to complain. I want to complain. I want to whine. Y, y my life like tt? Is okie that my family is poor, is okie tt i hv to handle soooooo many different things. All i want is to hv a healthy family. At least someone to care for me. I seriously look tru my life. I am so lonely since young. When i was younger, my parents doted on my younger bro, gave him the best all d time. My grandparents doted on my elder brother bcos he's d eldest son in my family. Me, received all the scoldings, hv to do housework, always being commanded to do all sorts of stuff. I hv no status in the family. My brothers are more "superior" than me so i hv to abide to their commands. I m labelled a lazy girl if i failed to do housework. I m a "tool" to show my relatives that their daughter can do well in sch. My family is everything but united, lovely, admirable, cosy, warm, u name it all. God, i want to complain! Y din i hv any sisters to confide in. Any sisters to share clothes with? Y do i hv to wear clothes that my brother cant wear anymore? I used to complain y i hv to use his old textbks. Y m i so unhappy yet hv to be strong? Y i m such an introvert? Y at least i din hv good looks? Perhaps that will be a consolation?
Instead, all my life, i slave, i carry financial burdens, i kept things to myself. God, i m so unhappy. I realli don't like it. I dun like it when no one sympathize me. I dun like when i was compared to be more fortunate than a billion other people on earth. I dun like it when i feel lonely. I dun like it when my attitude towards life is like tt. I dun like it when i refuses to conform to changes. Nobody understand my life fully. Except u god.
Things did change a lot better when i got to noe god. I noe there's someone who truly cares for me. I did my best despite my past treatment. I care for my family. I work hard to support sch myself. My concern for my family is truly real, god can testify that. I m not a lovely lovely person but i do little things for my family. I dun like it when my relatives look dwn on my parents. I wish my family can show me support and concern. Y issit tt i still hv to face disappointment again and again? I juz wish that i can hv a family like others, eat a meal at least once a wk? Do shopping together on a sunday afternoon, watch tv oso can or juz chit-chatting or even juz someone in my family to remember my birthday. Simple, nothing too complicated rite? But y is my family nothing like tt? I m so sensible n obedient. I do all that i can. I cant help it when my younger brother decides to be rebellious. I cant help it when my elder brother doesnt care about the family at all. I cant help it tt my father has to drink all the time, to escape? I dunno. I cant help it tt my mum has to lose her temper so often. They realli cant see hw miserable i m. I tried my best to be the best daughter, the best sister, god, u can testify rite?
I m thankful that i hv god. From the bottom of my heart. I guess i will juz collapse oneday without this pillar of strength. I noe i need to change my attitude on my life. Life cant be tt bad when i look at it from god's perspective. I thank god that he places me with friends so that i wun be an extreme introvert. Haha. Cant imagine tt. If i m such extreme introvert, how i m gg to even care for my family? Life will be best when my entire family come to know god. Praying for that day to come.
Friday, October 07, 2005
10/07/2005 12:16:00 AM Y
Post title :
♥ You'll never know the real me.
=2h3n=
I remembered when i was in poly, i liked to post my "things to do" list. Haha... So here it goes for this weekend:
History- Decide on a question topic
- Research
- 1500 words
- Try to post something in the forum
Southeast Asia Studies- Wait for tutor to approve on question topic
- Research
- 5000 words
- Do readings and prepare tutorial!
Japanese Studies- Type out Part 1 (background of Nagoya)
- Read tru' my research and try to summarise
- 1500 + 2500 words
- Do my Readings!!!
- Try to post something in the forum
Sociology- Do my readings!!!
- Read the textbk!!! and try to make notes =)
Economics- Textbook and Tutorial
As usual, after i list dwn everything i needed to do, i will stare at it, hoping i will do something about it. Haha... But usually, onli 1/10 of the list will be fulfiled at the end of the week.
So sad.
from: mini cooper's official website